February 22, 2022


Is it a sin to use desensitizing creams to last longer in bed (with my wife)? From some time now I’ve been having problems satisfying my wife as I can’t help to finish too quickly and end up feeling really bad it...


The Church teaches that the conjugal act is for union and procreation within marriage. Each of the spouses freely and without reservation gives themself to the other in total gift; the husband is there for his wife, and the wife is there for her husband. Although strong passion/pleasure is aroused in this act, passion/pleasure should never be the driving force.; right reason should guide and direct our actions. You may find it of help to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church section on marriage, #1606 through 1666, and The Theology of Body: Male and Female He created Them by Pope John Paul II translated by Michael Waldstein The husband and the wife do not need to complete the act at the same time within a single act. If the husband comes to a climax first he should remain present for his wife so that she also can come to a  climax. I hope that helps. I have forwarded your email to a couple of priests who may be able to give you further clarification.

One of the priests I mentioned in my first response was able to give some counsel. Father said it would not be sinful to use desensitizing creams of the purpose of being able to take more time during the conjugal embrace so that your wife can also experience an orgasm, i.e. your intention being, that for the sake of greater union, you can slow down so the two of you come to orgasm together. Women take longer to prepare for union and orgasm, so the husband can caress and touch his wife in a manner that will help her to come to arousal. There is this dance that takes place between the spouses as they give themselves to one another which involves intimate foreplay and fondling so that both can fully participate.  An easier book to read than St John Paul II's is called: GOOD NEWS ON SEX & MARRIAGE by Christopher West -

This response credited to: Mary Barber, M.A. Radio Talk Show Host of "Bible With the Barbers" on